There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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