My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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