My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
