lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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