I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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