i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
