Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
