I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
