Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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