Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
