I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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