you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
