The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
