Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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