Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
