Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
