You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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