oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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