I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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