Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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