This is not my ceiling
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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