end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
