I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
