She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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