dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
