Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
