did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
