There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
