Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
