Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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