This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
