Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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