You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
