Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize