Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
