I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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