omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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