Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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