im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
