You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
