Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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