As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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