yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
