hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
