from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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