I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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