so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
