i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
