guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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