I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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