I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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