his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
