a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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