I'm going to jail i love you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
