no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
