Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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