Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
