i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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