Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
