They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
