I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
