did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
