The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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