My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
