Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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