she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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