I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she peed on how many people?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
