and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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