just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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