Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
