the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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