you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
