she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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