Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
