thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
