LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
