dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
