I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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