is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
